In the News

Michael Lohan underwent heart surgery over the weekend (an xray showed no evidence of one, so doctors wanted to take a closer look). He'll be fine.

A new survey found we're tightening the belt this Christmas and will be spending less on both presents and charitable causes. (Americans are still having a hard time finding a few extra bucks to spend... unless the new iPhone 5 is released)

Us Weekly is casting Kim Kardashian as the victim in her 72 day marriage to Kris Humphries. They have "sources" that say Kris used to call her fat and talentless with no future. (that's pretty mean. I mean, that hasn't stood in Snooki's way!)

Father Gabriel Amorth, Chief Exorcist at the Vatican, told a conference over the weekend that yoga and Harry Potter lead to evil. (he's right, you know. The worst part of my yoga class is the 360 degree neck stretch)

Money

Black (Eye) Friday: The Fight For Deals

Black Friday has come and gone, and all that's left are a few bumps and bruises, and for those, look no further than Walmart! Walmart opened early with huge deals, and people were ready to pounce -- maybe a little too much. At least two dozen shoppers were injured and several were arrested, according to reports.

Los Angeles: 20 customers (including kids) suffered injuries after being pepper sprayed by a fellow shopper. Police say she used the spray to get a better shot at a discounted Xbox.
San Landro, CA: A shopper was shot after fighting two armed men who were out to steal his purchases.
Upstate New York: Two women were arrested after fist fighting in the electronics department.
Kinston, NC: Cellphones marked from $200 to $35 caused fists to fly between customers -- security had to use pepper spray to regain order.
Muskegon, MI: A teen was treated for injuries after being trampled repeatedly by customers rushing to the electronics department.
Phoenix, AZ: A grandfather who put a video game in his waistband to lift his grandson above a rowdy crowd for safety was thrown to the ground by police.
Walmart stores in Woodland Park, CO, Neosho, MO, and Bentonville, Ark, all received bomb threats.

Black Friday. Let's celebrate!

Relationships

Love: The Math

Want to find Mr. Right? Just do the math. Professor Peter Todd has developed a love formula that involves dating enough people to establish a baseline, then settling down with the next person that exceeds the bar. Here's his advice... and take notes, there will be a pop quiz:

Magic dating number: 12. After 12, you have enough information to determine what you want. End your search with #13.
If you've dated fewer than 12, keep looking.
If you've dated 30, you're too picky

(photo: stylishjo)

Life

Are You a Water Hog?

Take a quick guess -- how many minutes are you in the shower? You say 5, right? That's what most people say, and they're wrong. According to data taken from devices installed on 26-hundred showers, the average shower lasts 8-minutes, and uses almost as much water an your average bath. Even more if you have a high-powered shower head.

Hmmmm...I wonder what other things I'm underestimating? Maybe I don't want to know!

(flickr/krikit)

Joke of the Day

A young, newly married couple inherited a parrot from an elderly relative. This parrot was very talkative and extremely perverted. It was always informing visitors about the newlyweds' sexual escapades.

One evening, after a very embarrassing comment from the bird, the husband finally had enough and told the parrot, "That's it! You will be covered up from now on and if you take your cage cover off or embarrass us again, you will be sent to the zoo!"

Two days later, the couple was preparing for a short trip and the suitcase was too full to close. So the husband said, "I'll get on top and jump up and down and you see if you can get it."

After a bit, the wife said, "This is no good. I'll get on top and you see if you can get it."

This still did not work, and so the husband said: "Tell you what, let's both get on top and bounce up and down. That'll get it."

With this, the parrot finally pulled off the cage cover and said, "Zoo or no zoo, this I have got to see!"

Surf This!

Here's an absolutely frightening thought -- a Groupon-like site for dogs. DoggyLoot.com offers 50-90% savings on deals just for dogs. It's frightening to think, and brace yourselves, that dogs are now using computers. What else can you conclude?